apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
