i barfeds in our rink
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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