How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
