I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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