Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
