walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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