spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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