Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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