Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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