I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you would pick up someone in the library
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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