He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry about my life...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
