She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
