I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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