he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
