Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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