What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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