tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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