This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Farmville is her only friend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
