Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
