you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
