He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
