we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
