I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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