1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
