he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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