I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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