Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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