Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
