I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
