don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
