just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
