No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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