This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
