You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
