This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
