So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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