I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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