Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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