i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
