When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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