the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
