How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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