Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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