I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
