just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
