when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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