I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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