yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
