I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
