I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
