I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
