as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
