party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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