She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
