Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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