my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
