that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
