my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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