I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
