I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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