If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
